Ever notice that unique kind of exhaustion that hits when everyone turns to you?
You really want to be present, but somewhere in the middle of supporting someone else, you start to lose track of yourself.
On the surface, “holding space” sounds simple: listen well, don’t interrupt, stay grounded. But the deeper practice (the one that sustains you) asks for something more honest. It asks you to notice what rises in your body, track your capacity in real time, and stay connected to yourself even as you offer connection to someone else.
That’s where things get real.
And that’s usually the point where we need a bit of structure, so we don’t slide from supporting into over-functioning.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling wrung out, responsible, or guilty for needing your own space, you’re not alone.
There’s a better way to show up without losing yourself in the process and that’s what I’ll be covering in this blog. If you want to go in depth, download this worksheet and follow along.
Holding space means being present without taking over or fixing. It is a way of offering connection without losing yourself in someone else’s emotions.
Research shows that feeling seen without judgment helps people regulate their emotions more than problem-solving does. Another study on therapeutic presence found that “fully encountering another person in the moment” supports better emotional outcomes.
But if you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained or responsible, you’ve experienced over-holding.
Your energy matters. When you override your own needs, your body reacts. You tense up. You over-function. You drift from your centre. And the more you disconnect from yourself, the harder it is to stay steady for someone else.
A simple three-part pause helps you stay grounded. Small enough for real moments. Strong enough to keep you in your lane.
Before you respond, take a micro-moment to ask: Why am I stepping into this?
Maybe you want to support. Maybe you want to fix. Maybe it’s a habit. Or guilt. There’s nothing to judge here, just something to notice. When you’re clear on your intent, you stop slipping into roles no one asked you to play.
Try this:
When someone shares something heavy, pause for one breath and ask yourself:
Am I trying to help, or am I trying to rescue?
Helping support both of you. Rescuing drains you.
Your energy is the one thing you can’t fake for long. If you’re depleted, stressed, or already stretched to your edge, holding space will feel like trying to lift a couch with one hand. It's not about avoiding people, it’s about telling the truth about your capacity.
Ask yourself:
• Do I have space for this right now?
• What would “supportive but not self-sacrificing” look like in this moment?
Real-life example:
A friend calls in crisis while you’re running on fumes. Instead of collapsing into guilt, you might say:
“I want to give you my full attention, and I can’t right this second. Can we talk later tonight?”
That’s holding space with integrity, not avoidance.
Once you’ve checked your intent and your energy, then you step in, with presence, not performance.
Intentional engagement sounds like:
• Listening without rushing into fixes
• Asking, “What do you need from me right now, listening, brainstorming, or just company?”
• Staying connected to your own boundaries while staying emotionally present
When you engage from this place, you’re not absorbing someone else’s emotions, you’re seeing them. And that’s enough. Often, it’s exactly what they needed.
This pause works best when it becomes part of your daily rhythm. Use it in the places where you tend to give more than you have. For example: family conversations, work interactions, caregiving roles, or those relationships where you accidentally become “the strong one.”
Want a simple way to practice this?
The Holding Space Pause worksheet breaks each part down into bite-sized prompts you can keep on your phone or in a notebook. It’s a grounding touchpoint for moments when you feel yourself slipping into old patterns.
When you pair compassion with capacity, your support becomes clearer, steadier, and more sustainable. Over time, your relationships feel lighter and more balanced because they’re built on honesty.
For more mental wellness tools, tips and stories, check these out:
Blog: A kinder Way to Build Goals
Video: She Says Art Is a Language. And Honestly, She Might Be Right
As I, A Peer Podcast: Don’t Use Erasers: Hannah’s Story on Finding Beauty in Mistakes
To be the first to get more stories, tools, and life experiments like this, subscribe to the email list at thejeffturner.ca.
Until next time, I’m Jeff Turner and remember to take care of yourself, however that looks to you.