You know that feeling when someone asks for your advice, and your brain just doesn’t… well… brain?
It might go blank or start racing with thoughts of, I should know this or I should say something helpful.
It’s okay. You’re not the only one who’s felt that pressure.
We live in a culture that praises certainty, quick answers, confidence and "having it all figured out".
But when you’re trying to support someone, that pressure can backfire.
Instead of feeling connected, you end up in your head, worried about saying the wrong thing.
This blog is here to help you get more comfortable with uncertainty, so you can stop overthinking your responses, build deeper trust, and feel more grounded when you don’t have the answer.
By the end, you’ll know how to turn “I don’t know” from something that feels awkward into something that builds connection, invites honesty, curiosity, and shared understanding.
I’ve also included a free downloadable How to Practice “I Don’t Know” Without Losing Confidence workbook to help you practice this skill and turn pressure into presence.
Let’s jump in.
Uncertainty is part of being human.
But most of us were taught to hide it.
In school, in work, even in relationships, we learned that being “right” earns respect.
So when you don’t know something, your brain fills the silence with panic.
What if I sound unqualified?
What if they think I’m not good enough?
I’ve seen this play out hundreds of times while training peer-support workers.
New facilitators (yes, experienced ones too) want to do well, so they rush to answer, but that rush often blocks the very thing that makes peer support powerful: connection.
When you can say, “I don’t know,” and stay grounded, you give everyone permission to take a breath.
That’s where real connection begins.
Think about the last time you were seeking support and while talking, the person cut you off to give advice. Did it make you feel understood or dismissed?
Certainty often shuts down curiosity.
It creates a power dynamic where one person “knows” and the other “doesn’t.”
But curiosity does the opposite.
It says, “We’re both figuring this out. Let’s explore together.”In peer support (and in everyday conversations) that small shift builds safety.
It turns advice-giving into listening. It turns awkward silence into genuine presence.
Learning to sit with uncertainty is a skill and like any skill, it takes practice.
You won’t nail it every time, and that’s okay. This isn’t about mastering a script; it’s about meeting yourself where you’re at and noticing what happens when you slow down.
Progress here looks less like perfection and more like small shifts.
Here’s a simple four-step way to bring curiosity into moments of uncertainty.
If you’d like a little structure to guide your practice, I’ve made a free workbook called How to Practice “I Don’t Know” Without Losing Confidence. It's a free PDF you can download, use on your phone wherever you are or computer at home.
When someone asks for your thoughts, pause for a breath before speaking.
You might feel the urge to fill the silence, to prove your value, or to make it better for them.
Just notice it.
Awareness is the first step to choice and sometimes that pause alone changes the tone of the whole conversation.
If you don’t know, say so. Kindly and clearly.
You can use phrases like:
Being real about what you don’t know builds far more trust than trying to sound certain.
Curiosity turns pressure into partnership.
Instead of rushing to give advice, ask one question back:
When you make space for their voice, you remind both of you that connection is about understanding, not fixing.
After the conversation, take a few minutes to check in with yourself.
What felt different when you didn’t reach for an answer?
You might notice you listened more deeply, felt calmer, or saw the other person open up in ways they wouldn’t have if you’d filled the space.
That’s the quiet reward of practicing curiosity.
You don’t need a peer-support role to practice this.
Notice the moments in daily life when you feel pressure to be certain, maybe at work, or when someone asks for your opinion.
What happens when you say, “I don’t know yet” and let that be enough?
Tip From A Peer Support Worker: Remember to reflect! Take a few moments out of your day or maybe at the end of the week and focus on how you felt.
Some of the best insights don’t come from being right, they come from being willing to stay curious.
In a world that rewards quick answers, choosing curiosity is a quiet act of courage.
“I don’t know” might sound small, but it can shift everything.
It reminds you that connection doesn’t depend on being right, it depends on being real.
Pause. Breathe. Let curiosity lead.
Growth often begins right where confidence ends.
If you’d like to go deeper, download the free How to Practice “I Don’t Know” Without Losing Confidence workbook.
If you’re ready to keep building calm and clarity, here are a few next steps:
Watch:This Teacher’s View on Art and Self-Care Will Change How You See Both
Read: How to Know What to Say and (When to Say Nothing)
Listen: Episode 1: Hannah Marie -The Art of Trusting Yourself
Until next time, I’m Jeff Turner and remember to take care of yourself, however that looks to you.