You know when a friend takes a little too long to text back, and your brain quietly whispers, “You messed something up”?
Or when a coworker uses a sharp tone and you shut down without meaning to?
Or when your partner sighs and suddenly you’re bracing for an argument that isn’t even happening?
Those moments are your past stepping forward before you do.
In the five years I spent working as a peer support worker and trainer, I saw this pattern over and over again (ok, I admit, it happens to me too), people reacting to the present with emotions that belonged to a completely different chapter in their life.
But when those old lessons take the lead instead of the moment in front of you, they can pull you into reactions that don’t match what’s actually happening now.
This blog and the simple exercise included is here to help you recognize when that’s happening so you can stay rooted in the moment instead of pulled back into old stories.
By the end, you’ll know how to use your lived experience as something that guides you, not something that traps you, so you can respond with more clarity, build stronger connections, and grow from your past without getting stuck in it.
I’ve also included a simple worksheet to help you practice these skills wherever you are and support turning old patterns into something more grounded, intentional, and supportive.
Use it on your phone, tablet, computer – you can even print it out and do it by hand.
Let’s jump in.
Your brain isn’t trying to make your life harder. It’s trying to keep you safe.
According to research on predictive processing, your brain is constantly scanning for patterns and guessing what will happen next based on what you’ve lived through before.
Here’s a great breakdown from Harvard Health explaining how this works.
When something in the present even slightly resembles an old experience (a tone of voice, a long pause, a shift in someone’s expression) your nervous system doesn’t wait for confirmation.
It reacts based on the past.
That’s why you might feel rejected before you have evidence, defensive before anyone is upset,
or certain the story is repeating even when it’s not.
This matters because when the past is making the prediction, you stop responding to the moment in front of you and start responding to the one behind you.
Once you can name what’s happening, your brain becomes less reactive and more flexible. You can pause, reassess, and choose a response that matches what’s actually going on, not what you fear might be happening.
This is why reflection practices work so well.
It helps you separate old patterns from present realities, so you can grow from your past instead of getting stuck in it.
Now that you know why your reactions can feel so automatic, the next step is learning what to do in those moments.
Think of this as a simple four-step process you can come back to any time you notice yourself getting pulled into an old story.
You can also use the worksheet that comes with this blog to walk through these steps in real time or during a weekly check-in.
The first shift is not to “fix” the reaction, but to notice it.
When something hits you harder than the situation seems to call for, try quietly naming it:
You’re not judging yourself, instead you’re just flagging that your past might be stepping in. That tiny pause gives your brain a chance to move from automatic reaction into curiosity.
And curiosity is the doorway to change.
Quickly jot down:
Next, you’re going to pull apart two things your brain tends to blend together:
For example:
This step matters because when you see your story on paper, it becomes easier to question it. You’re not denying your feelings, you’re just making room for other possibilities.
Once you’ve separated facts from story, you can gently check in with yourself:
You’re not trying to convince yourself everything is fine. You’re just giving your present-day self a chance to have a say, instead of letting the past run the whole show.
This is where growth happens: not by forcing yourself to “get over it,” but by letting your current reality have as much weight as your old experiences.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life to grow from your past.
You just have to choose one small response that’s a little more aligned with the moment you’re actually in.
That might look like:
These experiments don’t have to be perfect. Their job is to show your brain that more than one ending is possible.
Over time, those tiny choices add up. Your past doesn’t disappear, but it stops being the only voice in the room.
Growing from your past doesn’t require big breakthroughs. It often starts with one quiet moment of noticing.
That pause you take, the breath between the trigger and the reaction, that’s where change begins. You’re not trying to erase old chapters. You’re just giving yourself a chance to respond from the one you’re in now.
If you’d like to go deeper, use the simple worksheet included with this blog. It’ll help you catch the moments that pull you back and turn them into opportunities for clarity and confidence.
If you’re ready for more tools that support grounded, intentional growth, here are a few next steps:
Watch: She Says Art Is a Language. And Honestly, She Might Be Right
Read: How to Support People Without Burning Out
Listen: Episode 1: Hannah Marie — The Art of Trusting Yourself
Also, if you want to get better at tracking, start building or adding onto a routine you already have, check out the FREE 10 Minute Weekly Reset.
To be the first to get more stories, tools, and life experiments like this, subscribe to the email list at thejeffturner.ca.
Until next time, I’m Jeff Turner, and remember to take care of yourself, however that looks to you.