Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought,
“That was fine… but why do I feel kind of empty?”
Nothing went wrong. You talked. They talked. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable.
It just didn’t land.
This happens all the time. A quick check-in at work. Small talk with someone you just met.
Catching up with a friend and somehow never getting past the surface.
Most of the time, it’s not because you don’t care.
It’s because you’re quietly trying to say the right thing.
You’re thinking about how to respond.
How to be helpful.
How to not sound awkward or boring.
And while you’re doing that, the moment passes.
This blog is about something simpler than having better things to say.
It’s about learning how to stay with the person in front of you and letting curiosity do more of the work.
By the end, you’ll have a clearer sense of why so many conversations feel forgettable, and how a few small listening shifts can help everyday interactions feel more real, more connected, and less draining, even with people you don’t know well.
Curiosity takes the pressure off conversations.
When you’re curious, you’re not trying to impress, fix, or say the perfect thing. You’re just paying attention. And people can feel that immediately.
In fact, a study from Harvard found that people who asked genuine follow-up questions were seen as more likable, more competent, and more responsive than those who focused on sharing information about themselves.
Not because they were more interesting, but because their curiosity made the other person feel heard.Not because they were smarter, but because they made the other person feel seen.
The researchers point out something simple but powerful: good questions signal care. They tell the other person, I’m here with you, not I’m waiting to talk.
It keeps you present.
It helps the other person relax and turns ordinary conversations into moments of real connection.
And the best part is…
It’s a skill you can learn and practice and that’s what we’ll cover next.
This is the simplest skill and often the hardest.
Presence means pausing for a beat before you respond.
Not to be dramatic and for how long is subjective, but just long enough to notice what’s happening.
Why it helps:
That pause interrupts the urge to perform. It gives your nervous system a moment to settle, so you’re responding instead of reacting.
When to use it:
Right after someone shares something personal, emotional, or unexpected.
How to practice:
The next time someone finishes speaking, take one breath before you respond. That’s it.
You don’t need to fill the silence. Let it work for you.
Open-ended questions invite more than a yes or no.
They give the other person room to think, reflect, and choose what they want to share.
Why it helps:
Good questions signal curiosity instead of control. They tell the other person, I’m interested in your experience, not just the outcome.
When to use it:
When a conversation feels stuck, shallow, or overly factual.
How to practice:
Swap “Did you like it?” for “What stood out to you?”
Swap “Are you okay?” for “How has this been sitting with you?”
This is about saying back what you heard but in your own words.
The aim isn’t to correct, analyze or fix. It’s to check that you’re understanding.
Why it helps:
People feel heard when they hear themselves reflected back accurately. It slows the conversation down and builds trust.
When to use it:
After someone shares something complex, emotional, or layered.
How to practice:
Try starting with:
“It sounds like…”
“What I’m hearing is…”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but…”
Then stop talking and see what they add.
Sometimes what someone needs most isn’t advice, it’s acknowledgment.
Naming emotion doesn’t mean agreeing or putting someone in a box.
It means recognizing what’s there.
Why it helps:
Validation helps people feel less alone with what they’re experiencing. It lowers defensiveness and opens space.
When to use it:
When someone shares frustration, fear, sadness, or overwhelm.
How to practice:
Gently name what you hear:
“That sounds exhausting.”
“I can hear how heavy that feels.”
“That makes sense, given what you’re dealing with.”
Remember, you’re not diagnosing. You’re letting the other person know that they are valid in their experience.
Summarizing pulls the conversation together. It helps both of you see what’s been said and helps to clear up any miscommunication.
Why it helps:
It reduces confusion and helps the conversation feel on track rather than scattered.
When to use it:
Near the end of a conversation, or when things feel circular.
How to practice:
Try:
“So what I’m hearing is…”
“It sounds like the main thing is…”
Then ask, “Did I get that right?”
This is where many conversations go sideways. You assume the other person wants advice when they might just want to be heard.
Why it helps:
Asking permission respects autonomy and prevents over-helping.
When to use it:
When you feel the urge to fix, solve, or jump into advice mode.
How to practice:
Ask one simple question:
“Do you want me to listen, help problem-solve, or just sit with you?”
Then follow their lead.
Meaningful conversations don’t come from saying the right thing.
They come from staying present long enough to actually hear someone.
You don’t need to be more confident, more interesting, or more prepared. You just need to slow down, get curious, and use one small listening skill at a time.
Not every conversation will go deep. That’s okay.
But when you practice being interested instead of interesting, you give connections a chance to happen.
If you’re looking to build a gentle reflection habit, you might also like The FREE Front-Line Worker’s Guide to Managing Overthinking.
To get more reflections, tools, and lived-experience experiments like this, you can subscribe to the email list at thejeffturner.ca.
Until next time,
I’m Jeff, and remember to take care of yourself, however that looks to you.