We’ve all heard it a million times: work on yourself, fix yourself, improve yourself.
But what if all that self-work is actually the reason you feel burned out, stuck, or even worse about yourself?
I learned this the hard way. After chasing every routine, every book, every habit hack, I hit a wall. Not because I wasn’t trying hard enough but because I was trying too hard.
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When I first started focusing on my mental health, I thought money was the problem. My finances were a wreck, so I read all the books and followed all the advice. But the “secrets” were boring, and the hustle gurus? Cold showers and 4:30 wakeups weren’t built for me.
I realized I needed to make things fun. I turned money into a game. Dollars became points, and paying off debt meant winning. Then I found new ways to enjoy life without overspending: DJing, dog walking, even fishing (where the peace mattered way more than the fish).
Growth doesn’t always have to feel like a grind. Try one playful activity this week with no expectation of success.
I used to follow gurus’ “perfect routines.” And every time, I’d hit the same cycle: start strong, miss a day, feel guilty, end up worse.
What I learned is that I need practices that fit my life, not someone else’s. Journaling became my testing ground. Instead of one rigid style, I rotated practices, created little challenges, and pieced together what worked for me in the moment.
If a practice feels like homework, redesign it. Shrink it, twist it, make it yours.
At first, I saw rest as a waste of time. I thought self-care was a myth, just bubble baths and candles in commercials. But eventually I realized rest isn’t laziness. It’s doing something for yourself, with intention.
Fishing, hiking, journaling, even just sitting quietly. Once I let myself do these things for no reason other than that I like them, they stopped being chores and started being care.
Pick one thing you already enjoy, and this week, do it for no other reason than enjoyment.
Working on yourself isn’t bad. But if it’s starting to feel heavy, that’s your sign to step back. Growth doesn’t always mean grinding harder, sometimes it means laughter, stillness, or giving yourself permission to just be.
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Until next time, I'm Jeff Turner and remember to take care of yourself, however that looks to you.